This is based on some Mastodon toots I made
Gemini link: gemini://gemini.moosadee.com/blog/20241201_PregnancyInAmerica.gmi
1. TRYING TO GET PREGNANT IN THE 2020s
My husband and I began trying to have a baby in 2020 when I turned 32, the age my mom was when she had me. I am now 36, the age she was when she had my little sister.
I tried tracking cycles, using an app my friend used (who now has a 3-year-old), and that didn't work out. We began going to a fertility clinic in late 2021 and 2022, doing IUI treatments. We did the recommended amount, but still no luck. Next step was IVF.
In the summer of this year we did egg collection after weeks of giving myself shots and taking medication to have me develop more eggs. During the process the doctor collected around 20 eggs, though only 4 fertilized ones matured, and only 1 is viable - albeit, a low-level mosaic. The fertility clinic ended up moving this summer as well, which pushed back continuing with IVF for months.
When we started this process of trying to have a child it was 2020, Biden was elected next president of the U.S. and it seemed relatively safe to try - my main concern is being "older", possibly higher-risk pregnancies, and wanting the assurance of having abortion available to me if there is a complication that threatened my life. Clearly, we have been trying to *have* a child, we've been spending thousands of dollars on this process, but at the same time I do not want to lose my life if something happens. I also don't want to go to jail for saving my own life.
Then in 2022, Roe v. Wade was overturned, and trigger laws in Missouri outlawed abortion. It's still legal in Kansas, but there have been cases of people being prosecuted for going out-of-state for an abortion. Companies like Meta have shared chat logs with the government to help convict people planning on getting an abortion. There have been avoidable deaths as pregnant people *in the process of dying* from a pregnancy are put "on hold" so that a board can decide whether the abortion is actually to save a life or would cause legal liability for the hospital.
Still trying to get pregnant. The IVF process isn't quick, you have to pre-pay to get booked for a series, you have to take a bunch of shots and meds to get your ovaries to produce lots of eggs, there's the collection process, then the eggs get fertilized and monitored, and things go from there. I had expected to have a transfer date in August, but with the fertility clinic moving that was postponed and postponed and postponed.
In November 2024, Trump was again elected president. I lost my mom a couple days after that. Missouri voters *had* voted to enshrine abortion rights into the Missouri state constitution, but at the same time voted for Republicans to be in state office, who are surely not going to allow that to happen. And even if it did, now there's a greater chance that abortion will be outlawed at the federal level anyway, making any states' rights in that regard moot.
The safety of being pregnant was already tenuous enough since 2022, but now it feels like a huge risk.
2. RISKS OF GETTING PREGNANT
What are the outcomes of a pregnancy? A healthy baby is one, but also a baby who wouldn't live past a few minutes is another. You could have a miscarriage, and there could be placenta or other leftovers left inside you to rot and turn septic - which requires an abortion to get rid of the *stuff* (not the fetus). There could be an ectopic pregnancy, where the embryo attaches *outside* of the uterus - this isn't viable for the fetus' life and leads to death during the first trimester of a pregnancy.
The outcomes of a pregnancy for a parent in the U.S. now is basically:
1. A baby
2. Embryo doesn't attach; no pregnancy
3. A miscarriage
4. There's a complication and you die or go to jail
If I have a pregnancy and it is **CLEAR** that it will be a risk to my life, another option I have for now is to travel to another state for an abortion to save my own life. However, this is not guaranteed to be legal or even accessible within the next year. Depending on the "political climate", even going to another state for an abortion could result in jail for going out of state... if abortion isn't outright banned at that point.
Further, considering we have *one* viable embryo, if we get a transfer and the embryo doesn't attach, then I'll just start my period as normal - no pregnancy. We have no other embryos in cryo, so if we wanted to try again we would have to pay thousands more dollars, go through the medication process and egg collection process and so on. And... again, depending on the "political climate", we may not be able to fertilize *all* the eggs to find out which ones are viable - we might have to do one at a time, because states like Alabama ruled in here in 2024 that "frozen embryos are children", and if we had 10-20 eggs, fertilized a bunch, and say had 5 viable eggs but only chose to have 2 children, then discarding 3 embryos would count as "murder". Now, I'm in Missouri at the moment, but Missouri isn't exactly a bastion of progressive politics. Precedence has been set for this kind of policy to be pushed, and could spread to additional states - especially with a Republican-controlled federal government... Heck, it's not like with a Democratic president that anything was done to mitigate the damage caused by Roe v. Wade overturning or these state rulings.
See also:
- Rest in Power: A Running List of the Preventable Deaths Caused by Abortion Bans (Ms. Magazine)
- Facebook turned over chat messages between mother and daughter now charged over abortion (NBC News)
- Interstate travel becomes a target for the anti-abortion movement with Texas filing (NPR)
- Idaho becomes one of the most extreme anti-abortion states with law restricting travel for abortions (NBC News)
- In unprecedented decision, Alabama’s Supreme Court ruled frozen embryos are children. It could have chilling effects on IVF, critics say
3. PROTECTING MYSELF
When Roe v. Wade was overturned, we warned people to not use period tracking apps... that data should be private, not in the cloud. Because if a government wanted information of "oh, soandso was pregnant on XYZ day... and not on ABC day...", they could figure out who had had an abortion.
I like being transparent about the challenges I go through. I *would* like to talk about the process and challenges of IVF. I've found comfort in hearing others' stories of infertility and it helps me feel not so alone in this. However, it is not safe to post about pregnancy or to confirm if I do get pregnant or when. This means:
- No IVF updates via SMS (text message) to ANYONE.
- No IVF updates via Facebook or other social media.
- No photos of my body shape anywhere online.
- No web searches for pregnancy-related questions.
- No purchasing books about pregnancy online, or borrowing books from the library.
If I need anything the best bet is to ask someone else to acquire something as simple as a book about pregnancy for me. And who knows what else pops up over time, I can only think so far in advance, having never been pregnant before. The only updates I can give will be directly in-person or via the Signal app, and not many people I know even use Signal.
4. CLOSING
My mom's mom died in April 7th 2024. My mom died in November 7th 2024. I'm not superstitious, but considering they died 7 months apart, I'm afraid that getting pregnant could lead to my own death. If we're following the pattern, I guess that would be June 7th, 2025.
I am generally a very safe person, I don't do anything risky, and I like being at home. But pregnancy is probably the *most risky thing* I will face, and not because it *has to be risky*. It does not have to be risky. It does not have to lead to a useless death. But it has for others in the past, and it could for me as well, and I am scared.
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