Lack of inspiration
It's probably been years now. At least five. I haven't felt super passionate about any of my game ideas in a long time. Really, my inspiration was murdered when I began working professionally as a programmer back in 2010 - I very distinctly remember working at my work machine, feeling so anxious and frustrated that I just didn't have time or energy to work on what I really wanted to. If I listened to video game music or had a blast of inspiration while at my day job, it would lead to my mind going everywhere else and not being able to get my work done. So I had to kill those feelings of inspiration and ideas because it was stressing me out at work. I'd have my notebook and I'd write ideas and think about "If I just had time to do this, I could make money doing this cool project instead of writing Enterprise Document Management System software." -- And I really don't think that inspiration came back.
I can't really focus long-term
I have worked on things here and there throughout the years, though usually the projects I actually end up getting done aren't games at all. They're things I can complete within the span of a day - zines, YouTube videos, drawings, etc. I have a fear that I cannot focus on anything past a day anymore, at least not consistently. It is another symptom of having to surpress my inspiration and that frustration of never getting to work on it... I somehow got into this mindset that I can only work on a project that takes a day to complete. I find it intensely difficult to come back to something afterwards, especially with the way my memory is. I forget complete projects when I have to go focus on life stuff or work stuff; my brain flushes out everything. I consistently forget everything unless I keep it written down in my day planner, and even then, some week I might forget to copy something over to the next, and *poof*.
"I should just help someone else!"
A thought I've had several times (and yet always forget) is that I could possibly just help someone else make their game - whatever they're inspired to make and passionate about. Why waste my effort of stuff I'm "meh" about at best? Why not become excited for something that someone else is driven to make?
But I'm also acutely afraid of signing up to help with something and then not following through - which I have done. I get fixated on work, I tend to put a TON of energy into teaching, and when I do so much code-switching between my work duties and other projects, I get burnt out really fast. I hate it.
So what I'm trying to say is...